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What do you say?

So I finally broke down on Sunday and went to the grave.  It was Sunday morning, 9 AM, and I was the only one there.  And as peaceful as it was for me, I was at a loss as what I was supposed to do.  Was I supposed to say something, do something, talk about something.  I just stood there and stared at the hay that was still there, the flowers that we originally laid there, the little stuff lamb that I laid there, the new set of grass that was starting to grow there. 

What do you say to the child that you were never supposed to see die?

What do you say to the child that today is STILL supposed to be with you. 

What do you say to the child that you honestly believe saved your Father’s life. 

What do you say to a miracle. 

I wish someone knew, because I sure don’t. 


8 Responses

  1. I think it was fine for you to just stand there and take it all in. Just listening to the peace and quiet.

  2. I definitely think that there’s nothing you’re supposed to do; you do what comes naturally. I’m sure it’s going to take time. God bless!

  3. I don’t think any of us know, but whatever you said, they know your heart.

  4. I know this doesn’t come CLOSE to comparing to your loss but my fiancee lost his first wife in 2005 to Ovarian Cancer and I went about a year ago to her grave and it was sooo hard, but at the same time I felt like I needed to go. I haven’t been back, and when I went I just kind of stood there, but I know in y heard that I needed to go there and just be there. Okay, lots of rambling but I don’t know if that helps or not but sometimes it’s okay to just “be” there.

  5. I never know what to say either. But I think just going and being there is enough. I can’t even find myself able to do that. But I am going to try. I think we just have to do the best, that we can…and somehow be o.k. with that.

  6. I’m at a loss. I don’t even know what to say as a comment on this post.

    I think the most that any of us wants is for our child(ren) to know we lived him/them. That’s the most important thing in the world.

  7. I think it took tremendous courage for you to face your grief head on and go.

  8. I’m glad that you were able to go to your baby’s grave~as difficult as it is, I think it’s helpful. The 1st few times that I went to my precious baby’s grave, I didn’t say anything~only wept. After the 1st few times though, I’d talk to him like I was having a conversation w/him. I tell him how much I love & miss him, how I wish I could see, hold, cuddle, kiss etc. him. I tell him about things that are going on w/us & talk about what kind of weather we’re having~you know, just everyday stuff. I Know that may seem strange to some but he was a part of me for 39 weeks, I’ll never forget him & I’ll never let go. I think what’s important here though is that YOU do what YOU’RE comfortable with & what comes natural to you. (((hugs)))

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